Wednesday, February 01, 2012

"It's f***ing cold!"

The following story first appeared as a comment to a story reported in The Ferndale Patch.  I'm repeating here because a) it cracks me up and b) it's easier for me to find here than there because of the swearing.
About four years ago when our youngest was three, my neighbor Mike (and he'll confirm this) and his wife were over for dinner. Mike and I were out tending the grill in the cold with our coats on, drinking beers, and talking out-of-earshot of the spouses.
The youngest comes out on the deck and declares, "It's f***ing cold out here."
I don't know what expression Mike had on his face but I felt my ears get HOT.
Not believing what I heard, I asked my son to repeat himself. "What did you say?"
"I said, 'It's f***ing cold out here.'"
I still didn't believe such a word would escape his lips, so I had him come off the deck, onto the driveway, look right into my face, and asked him to repeat himself very s-l-o-w-l-y. He looked at me like I was deaf and declared clearly and slowly for all to hear...
"I can hardly wait to see how you handle this," Mike said laughing his a** off.
I put on my meanest, most serious face, used my daddy-is-really-pi**ed-off big-voice and told the little guy, "we NEVER say the words f***, f***er, or f***ing. Got it?"
He ran inside scared, cried, and I haven't heard those words from him since.
Glad it was over, and while Mike was still laughing, he and I both agreed the three-year old used the word properly in a sentence.

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